As you can probably tell from my defined pecs and broad shoulders I’ve been pumping the iron of late. I had to beef up, it was the only way to protect myself from that evil Beyonce.

Sadly it has had the opposite effect, Beyonce can’t get enough of my rippling muscles. See her there in the photo, trying to sneak a look even when I’m working out. Naughty! I’ve also been approached by Men’s Health to be their cover star but to be honest they can’t afford me. And besides, I’m just not that kind of turkey. I would never take my clothes off for money, not like that Beyonce. Help me Brad fans, I just don’t know what to do.

If you could save me and not Beyonce I would be free of her lair forever.